Domestic violence is a pattern of assaultive and insulting behaviors that adults or adolescents use against their current or former intimate partners. Domestic violence occurs in intimate relationships where the perpetrator and the victim are currently or previously have been dating, living together, married or divorced. They might have children in common or not. Intimate partner violence—or IPV—is actual or threatened physical or sexual violence or psychological and emotional abuse directed toward a spouse, ex-spouse, current or former boyfriend or girlfriend, or current or former dating partner. Intimate partners may be heterosexual or of the same sex. Some of the common terms used to describe intimate partner violence are domestic abuse, spouse abuse, domestic violence, courtship violence, battering, marital rape, and date rape

Approximately 85 percent of the victims of domestic violence are women (U.S. Department of Justice, August 1995). However, this statistic only refers to the victim’s gender and does not refer to the gender of her partner. Therefore, the 85 percent includes women in straight and lesbian relationships, and the 15 percent remainder includes men in gay as well as straight relationships. Since statistics show that women are affected more by domestic violence than men, victims are frequently referred to as female or as battered women.

Abusers come from all walks of life. They may be of any sex, class background, race, religion, or sexual orientation. They come from different educational and income levels. Although batterers may be of any sex, most batterers or perpetrators are male. Another aspect of this question deals with the attitudes and behaviors of men who batter. The following presents some of the characteristics associated with batterers: INTIMIDATION AND VIOLENCE • Resolves conflict with intimidation, bullying, and violence. • Holds her down, restrains her from leaving a room, pushes, or shoves. • Uses threats and intimidation as instruments of control or abuse. This includes threats to harm physically, to defame, to embarrass, to restrict freedom, to disclose secrets, to cut off support, to abandon, to kidnap children, and to commit suicide. VERBALLY ABUSIVE • Says things that are meant to be cruel and hurtful. • Degrades her, curses her, or minimizes her accomplishments. • May wake her up to yell at her or not let her go to sleep by yelling at her. MINIMIZES ABUSE • Redefines a violent incident, for example, by saying, “It wasn’t that bad,” or, “I didn’t hit her that hard; she bruises easily.” • Accuses her of exaggerating or of being crazy. SUBSTANCE ABUSE • Cites alcohol or drug use as an excuse or explanation for hostile or violent conduct (“That was the booze talking, not me; I got so drunk I was crazy.”). • Forces her to use drugs or alcohol. BREAKS OR STRIKES THINGS IN ANGER • Beats on tables with a fist, throws objects around or near her. • Uses symbolic violence (tearing a wedding photo or marring a face in a photo). HISTORY OF VIOLENCE • Has battered in prior relationships. • Has previous law enforcement encounters for behavioral offenses (threats, stalking, assault, battery). PROJECTS BLAME • Refuses to take responsibility for his actions. • Blames his partner for his problems to justify the violence. • Often blames other ethnic groups, co-workers, or women in general for his problems. • Says things like, “You make me so mad.” CRUELTY TO ANIMALS OR CHILDREN • Treats animals cruelly or is insensitive to their suffering. • Expects children to be capable of doing things far beyond their ability or teases children until they cry. • Forces the children to watch the abuse of the victim or engages them in the abuse of the victim. EXTREME JEALOUSY • Becomes jealous of anyone or anything that takes her time away from the relationship. • Says things like, “If I can’t have you, nobody will.” • Requires her to account for all of her time. • Accuses her of flirting or of having affairs. • Calls her frequently at work or refuses to let her go to work. CONTROLLING BEHAVIOR • Makes all the decisions about the house, her clothing or where they go. • Is extremely impatient and might exhibit poor impulse control. Believes his needs and wants should be fulfilled immediately. • Uses money to control her activities, purchases and behavior. ISOLATION • Cuts her off from resources. • Accuses people who are her supports of causing trouble. • May not let her use the car, work or go to school. • Says things like, “Your family just doesn’t like me or doesn’t think I’m good enough.” DR. JEKYLL AND MR. HYDE • Has sudden and extreme changes in mood. • Is alternately loving and abusive. • Can behave explosively. RAPE OR USE OF FORCE IN SEX • Has no concern about whether she wants to have sex. • Uses sulking, anger, harassment, or coercion to manipulate her into compliance. • Forces her to have sex while she is sleeping or demands sex when she is ill or injured after a beating.

According to the El Dorado Women’s Center (www.edwomenscenter.org/FAQ) in Placerville, California, “A woman is assaulted by her partner every nine seconds in the U.S.* There are four million victims a year. 30% of all female murder victims are slain by their male partners. One in three Americans say they have witnessed domestic violence. • In 2002, 24,905 domestic violence cases were reported in 2002. • 14 deaths statewide resulted from 13 domestic violence incidents. • 4,104 female victims were injured during their assaults. • 75 percent of victims reporting incidents to police were female. • 3,381 children were at the scene of the abuse when law enforcement arrived. • 50 percent to 70 percent of men who abuse their female partners abuse their children. • Nearly 71 percent of children who witnessed the abuse were 12 or younger. • One of every 10 cases of women suffering abuse by their male partner is reported. • 25 percent of pregnant women seeking prenatal care have been battered during their pregnancy. • Battering is the major cause of injury to women ages 14-45, causing more injuries than auto crashes, muggings and rapes combined.

Learning about domestic violence and the issues surrounding it will educate you and enable you to recognize that it’s everywhere. You can research via the Internet, which is a great source of materials on domestic violence and a way to learn about the domestic violence organizations in your area. Also, reading your local and national newspapers will facilitate your awareness of the issue in your community and on a national level. Identify domestic violence and help someone if she is a victim. Remember, don’t blame the victim for what has happened; instead, be her friend. Provide her with support and local referrals as appropriate. Help her develop a safety plan. If you’re considering volunteering, think about donating your time to a domestic violence victim shelter. It would not only allow you to assist in ending domestic violence, but it would offer a better perspective on the issue. Contribute to a domestic violence organization in your community.